I walked out of college in the summer of 2019. At that time, I was planning to spend 2020 overseas doing missions work. I believed at that time that was my purpose: to fulfill the command in Matthew 18 ( the famous "go to all nations" verse). By October 2019, my anxiety and depression overcame me. This struggle deemed me unfit to go overseas in the upcoming year. I was devastated. I started a job in the fall as a temporary classroom aide at a local high school and felt so far from what I was excepting for the next year. Fast forward to March 2020, Covid struck, stores closed, schools went virtual. We lost jobs, weddings, family members, and a sense of normalcy. Most of all, the world lost hope.
The Lord surely kept me in his hands. If MY plan would of worked out, I would have been in Southeast Asia when the pandemic started and would have been sent home, like a majority of missionaries across the world did. The Lord blessed me with a job and income during this time. The school I work at sent everyone home to do virtual learning for the rest of the school year.
That spring and summer, I really leaned into and and pursued intimacy with God. What else was there to do? The whole world was shut down! I was forced to pause and examine my affections. Were they being drawn to worry, the world or to Christ? I started to write down my prayers daily. Even the ones when I doubted if God was near. This was my only way to survive. I depended on that intimacy.
When August came, our school returned in person. Finally! A sense of normalcy. I remember tearing up when our seniors were able to come back. The rest of the semester was filled with highs and lows, a constant cycle of students returning, then being quarantined, sent home, coming back, shutting down, opening up.
These past two weeks, our school was sent virtual again. I would say this would be the first time I would use the words "Covid Exhaustion" to describe my experience. Like so many others, I am tired, angry, and I feel like this will never be over. I still feel like there is no direction. With the world's doors being closed, I feel very much trapped, left alone, and with no where to go.
But that is so far from the truth! There will be an end. There will be a rescue. That is not in a new president, a riot, a new vaccine (although that is very good), or anything else this world can offer. This end and rescue is only found in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is the only hope we should have during this time. It is him healing our land and ridding us of this pandemic. It is him redeeming us in his blood, to become intimate with him, and to share that with others.
We have sicknesses and diseases that come and go in this world, but the human sinful condition is one pandemic that we completely neglect. We have been facing this since the beginning. This is the only sickness we truly need a cure for. This is the only sickness we should not want to die from. If we die with a heart unredeemed, we will perish eternally. No happy ending in the clouds. Just a wrath that cannot be stopped.
I fool myself if I say "I have no purpose" during this time. There is purpose in this pandemic. The same purpose before when I did not realize it, and after to keep steadfastly pursuing. His purpose remains: to be a light of Christ in this dark time.
I am blessed and thankful to do this with the youth in my body of Christ, as well as my students. Whether over Zoom or in person, my interactions with them can show them the light of Christ in a time where it is very dim and scary. I share in their frustrations, fears, and disappointments. The advantage of having a a relationship with Christ helps me navigate my interactions with them.
When thinking about my students, the way that I respond matters. The way I act matters. The way that I carry myself matters. It matters, it has purpose, and there is a plan, there is good, and there is God. I have to hope and trust in Jesus Christ that His plan during this time is still to bring all nations and peoples to know him intimately. I am so lucky to be apart of his plans and purposes in this pandemic.
For all my fellow brothers and sisters, we really have to make sure that we are pressing into God during this time. Otherwise, we are going to fall and fail. Our plans may not work out in the way we want it, but we can trust God to make it the way He designed it. We must be aligned with his purposes and plans to be lights in this dark world. We must be aligned with this purpose to bring the gospel to all nations.
Right now borders are closed and missionaries have been sent home. We may not be able to physically go to "all nations" right now, but we still have missional opportunity. We must minister in our families, our neighborhoods, and our communities. Where we are, is where God put us. It is where we must go. We still have a job to do even if we have lost the one we had on earth. God entrusted us with the gospel during this time and will continue to after this pandemic.
Repent and pray. Ask God for forgiveness for grumbling and complaining. Ask for forgiveness when you have disregarded Gospel-sharing opportunities. Pray for your co-workers, clients, and whoever. Pray for the missionaries who have been sent home and for their disciples in other nations to be gripped with the Gospel. Pray for the persecuted church who have been neglected by their communities.
I walked into this pandemic with feeling like I have lost purpose, but it never changed, it was always the same: to make Christ known and to make others know him.
Comentários